This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Some [soccer] players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game. That's how tough they are. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
![“Some [soccer] players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game. That's how tough they are.” quote by Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/7a0/dave-barry-222_five_some-soccer-players-suffer-four-or-five_2921311.jpg)
