If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You can listen to what people say, sure. But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do. — Seth Godin Copy Share Image
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Circumstance has no value. It is how one relates to the situation that has value. All the meaning resides in the personal… — Christopher McCandless Copy Share Image
I release all criticism. I only give out that which I wish to receive in return. My love and acceptance of others… — Louise Hay Copy Share Image
There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey," because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I don't know what I feel about wearing my furs anymore. I worked so hard to have a fur coat, and I… — Diana Ross Copy Share Image
“When I have too much information or too many choices, I often get confused. • When one wants to encourage another to… — Dr. Dennis Cogswell Copy Share Image
When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You can never become a great man or woman until you have overcome anxiety, worry, and fear. It is impossible for an… — Wallace D. Wattles Copy Share Image
I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I remember we were all horrified to see Grandpa up on the roof with his Superman cape on. "Get down!" yelled Uncle… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
To write? Because all this is going to vanish. The only thing left will be the prose and poems, the books, what… — James Salter Copy Share Image
When you realize that no one really knows what they are doing and that everyone is doing the best they can according… — Carl Sagan Copy Share Image
Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Some Time We Fail To Understand The Feelings Of Very Close People In Our Life Because A Book Held Very Near To… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
In the uttermost meaning of the words, thought is devout, and devotion is thought. Deep calls unto deep. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
I think one reason I could be a good playboy is I would be willing to spend the time required to really… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Civilization has made man, if not always more bloodthirsty, at least more viciously, more horribly bloodthirsty. — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we'll never know. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you start embracing life's storms instead of hiding away from them, you'll stop fearing them all together; it is this way… — Stefanie Schneider Copy Share Image
It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
“while the modern, human animal is capable of deep thought and, like its mammalian forebears, can nurture and play, it also is… — Edwin H Friedman Copy Share Image
I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
After a lifetime of deep thought, I've decided that life is a distraction, but probably not from anything important. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people,… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
She avoids deep thought like an empty restaurant, not out of stupidity, but a canny resolve to be happy. — Alex Shakar Copy Share Image
I was already into deep, because when I thought of you, of your voice, your hypnotic eyes, I wanted nothing more than… — Twilight Ryaj Ablando Catayas Copy Share Image
