I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse. — Jimmy Fallon Childhood Copy Share Image
Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs,… — Jimmy Fallon Beer Copy Share Image
Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Ben Carson actually lost a tooth. Which explains why he said that under his leadership, Americans would be entitled to 'life, liberty,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Dad Copy Share Image
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo just signed a bill that bans powdered alcohol from the state. So if you live in New… — Jimmy Fallon Alcohol Copy Share Image
During a recent interview, President Obama revealed that his favorite movie this year was 'Boyhood.' It makes sense. If there's one thing… — Jimmy Fallon Aging Copy Share Image
A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
When you were a kid, it [work in IBM] seemed like an awesome job. I'd get to go to work and have… — Jimmy Fallon Briefcases Copy Share Image
I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and… — Jimmy Fallon Birthday cake Copy Share Image
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently called President Obama directly to complain about NSA and how it spies on ordinary Americans. That's right,… — Jimmy Fallon Civil disobedience Copy Share Image
It seems like everybody's weighing in on Trumps campaign - even Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. He said that Trump is 'probably… — Jimmy Fallon Best things Copy Share Image
You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on… — Jimmy Fallon Baby Copy Share Image
Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around. — Jimmy Fallon Apprentice Copy Share Image
Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options? — Jimmy Fallon Earth Copy Share Image
I haven't been on a date in awhile. I went on maybe two dates in my whole life. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive. — Jimmy Fallon Being positive Copy Share Image
I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos. — Jimmy Fallon Color Copy Share Image
Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade. — Jimmy Fallon Birthday Copy Share Image
I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he's running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror. — Jimmy Fallon Joke Copy Share Image
![“When you were a kid, it [work in IBM] seemed like an awesome job. I'd get to go to work and have a briefcase. I loved how Dad wore a tie and got a car. I didn't know if all those things came together. I'd see my dad go off to work and we'd wait for him to come home, and we'd all be excited to see…” quote by Jimmy Fallon](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/8bb/jimmy-fallon-656_briefcases_when-you-were-a-kid-it-work-in-ibm-seeme_2331013.jpg)
![“[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.” quote by Jimmy Fallon](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/85e/jimmy-fallon-656_joke_writing-a-joke-there-is-no-team-of-write_3042112.jpg)