Trump is running for president and he's wasting no time getting down to business. In fact, just after his announcement he demanded… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is… — Jimmy Fallon America Copy Share Image
President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.' — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: "Sorry, just got your text! — Jimmy Fallon Education Copy Share Image
The White House is apparently pushing to create more Latino-themed landmarks. Now that's in addition to our current Latino-themed landmark, California. — Jimmy Fallon California Copy Share Image
I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot.… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recorded on tape making racist comments. He now has been banned from the league for life.… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
This weekend the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, featured several speakers including Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson from 'Duck Dynasty.' It was… — Jimmy Fallon Action Copy Share Image
L.A., its nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think… — Jimmy Fallon Broadway Copy Share Image
Facebook revealed that Ebola was the most popular Facebook topic in the U.S. this year, with the World Cup coming in sixth.… — Jimmy Fallon America Copy Share Image
During a speech on Sunday, President Obama said to the crowd, 'We've got to vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.' This went… — Jimmy Fallon Communication Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it's going ot be weird when… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
It was announced today that Iran has reached a deal with the U.S. to limit its nuclear program and send most of… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
There are reports that President Obama and his family may move to New York City after his term is over. Unfortunately, the… — Jimmy Fallon Cities Copy Share Image
Joe Biden was spotted with a bruise on his face that was apparently caused by his dog. I guess they collided when… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Nissan is recalling almost 135,000 Infiniti G35s to address an airbag problem. When Toyota heard that, they said, 'Airbags! I knew we… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else… — Jimmy Fallon Archery Copy Share Image
Big news from last night's Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way… — Jimmy Fallon Baseball Copy Share Image
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer?… — Jimmy Fallon Brain Copy Share Image
A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going… — Jimmy Fallon Aliens Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put… — Jimmy Fallon Dog Copy Share Image
When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m. — Jimmy Fallon Baby Copy Share Image
When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must… — Jimmy Fallon Animal Copy Share Image
This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and… — Jimmy Fallon Age Copy Share Image
I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my… — Jimmy Fallon Business Copy Share Image
I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA… — Jimmy Fallon Amtrak Copy Share Image
Scott Walker's campaign slogan is 'Reform. Growth. Safety.' Which is actually similar to Donald Trump's new slogan: 'Mexico. Money. Crazy.' — Jimmy Fallon Campaigns Copy Share Image
A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the… — Jimmy Fallon Abstinence Copy Share Image
According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls.… — Jimmy Fallon Apples Copy Share Image
Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
![“It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime.” quote by Jimmy Fallon](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/206/jimmy-fallon-656_numbers_it-would-ve-been-amazing-to-work-as-prog_3114089.jpg)
