The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in… — Jimmy Fallon Beach Copy Share Image
Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy… — Jimmy Fallon Animal Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, theyre all going… — Jimmy Fallon Space Copy Share Image
Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
One GOP Congressman named Carlos Curbelo actually suggested that Donald Trump may be a 'phantom candidate' that has been planted by Democrats.… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
We had the guys from X Men 2 do the cameras. They had a 360 camera that would go from one car,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
During a recent press conference, former President Jimmy Carter said he could never run for president today because he doesn't have a… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama said that over 40 countries have offered to help the U.S. fight ISIS. Of course they said it the same… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That's encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts… — Jimmy Fallon Bald eagle Copy Share Image
Republican Ted Cruz announced that he will run for president in 2016. So finally, Carnival is no longer the most dangerous cruise… — Jimmy Fallon America Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Baseball Copy Share Image
Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that… — Jimmy Fallon Business Copy Share Image
'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it. — Jimmy Fallon Being silly Copy Share Image
My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we… — Jimmy Fallon Baby Copy Share Image
Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, "But I did not say… — Jimmy Fallon America Copy Share Image
Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I remember people saying to us, "You're too nice. Hollywood is going to eat you up and spit you out." I never… — Jimmy Fallon Hollywood Copy Share Image
A new study found that most people can't go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats. — Jimmy Fallon Allergies Copy Share Image
Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who'd… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The Illinois Senate passed a bill on Wednesday to legalize medical marijuana. The bill was passed after the state senator said, 'Come… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously — Jimmy Fallon Adults Copy Share Image
Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. — Jimmy Fallon Being Copy Share Image
The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it's part of a new initiative called,… — Jimmy Fallon Arabia Copy Share Image
The Senate is doing its first-ever Secret Santa gift exchange this year. Yeah, theres a $10 spending limit, but they plan to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family. — Jimmy Fallon Baseball Copy Share Image
In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do… — Jimmy Fallon Book Copy Share Image
I'd do entire music videos in my bedroom, where I used to stand in front of my television memorizing the moves to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president and called for him to immediately withdraw from the race. Then he… — Jimmy Fallon President Copy Share Image
“Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it.” — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
