I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest:… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I'm not actually doing my work, I'm planning it or thinking about it or reading things that on some level are… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think everybody should be able to do anything they want and let roving bands of people punish each other for things… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't see much of a future for this planet. I think it's a cursed planet. The boundaries we've drawn between nations… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't really identify with America, I don't really feel like an American or part of the American experience, and I don't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not in show business because I don't have to go to the meetings, I'm just not a part of it, I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think the trend to control speech - and therefore thought - continues. Because of the freer flow of information now, there's… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word "cynic"… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I'm not actually doing my work, I'm planning it or thinking about it or reading things that on some level are… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think you can talk about anything if the context is correctly arranged. If you set up the context and you bring… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share
