Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.' — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Regarding jam sessions: Jazz musicians are the only workers I can think of who are willing to put in a full shift… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a natural area… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god - that there's a man in the sky with 10 things… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share
![“[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/1f9/george-carlin-155_1930s_on-school-uniforms-don-t-these-schools-d_1318367.jpg)
