I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth" — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale:… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
