So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes. — Mitt Romney Copy Share Image
I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My girlfriend's best friend's ex boyfriend's mother's insurance agent is the winner of my own lottery drawing. — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes. — Ashley Tisdale Copy Share Image
Donald Trump was seen for quite a long time as a punchline, the jokes about the excesses and the failures of the… — Timothy L. O'Brien Copy Share Image
My favorite show tune has got to be Stephen Sondheim's 'I Remember Sky.' It's probably the saddest song of all time; I… — Laura Benanti Copy Share Image
I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this… — Samantha Ronson Copy Share Image
“Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead.” — David Crystal Copy Share Image
Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
I did many other things before I ever got into the movies. I've been in so many businesses, it's a joke. All… — Sean Connery Copy Share Image
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why three? Husband: 1 For… — Vinesh Copy Share Image
You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a… — Brian P. Cleary Copy Share Image
I need to make an okay living. The people who work for us need to. But after you make a comfortable living,… — Craig Newmark Copy Share Image
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
“Two hours later, my ears were burned to twin crisps, and I owed him forty miles. Bones was in high spirit. Why… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with… — Fred Allen Copy Share Image
There Should Be A Certain Limit On the Kinds Of Jokes We Pop To Those Who Are Around Us. Some Jokes Are… — Sabelo Lan Mashabela Copy Share Image
But if you were Charlotte, and you had been feeling that life was some cosmic joke that had no punchline, and in… — Anne Ursu Copy Share Image
Most of the jokes that I wrote were funny and there always seems to be an aspect of comedy in my long-form… — Victor Levin Copy Share Image
Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got… — John Green Copy Share Image
