I say the American Medical Association ought to get the hell off the golf course and answer this question ... — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I can't think of what they might… — Richard Carleton Copy Share Image
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Epitaph on a scolding wife by her husband: Here my poor Bridget's corpse doth lie, she is at rest - and so… — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. — Flannery O'Connor Copy Share Image
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“Every so often an author comes along and changes the world. I am not that author!” — Rachel Rueben Copy Share Image
“Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else - not as fragile as we think they… — Julie Powell Copy Share Image
“He was staring hard, not at his wife and me but at his daughter watching us. In his cold pupil, in the… — Italo Calvino Copy Share Image
“She would seize every opportunity to dive into the bathroom, in a swirl of white towels, and once in there she was… — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
“Your ma's dating?" Tim looks shocked. "I thought she pretty much confined herself to a vibrator and the shower nozzle since your… — Huntley Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his exposed… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
If it is gay, ribald and lascivious night-life you are after, Israel is not the place for you. The night clubs you… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“He said that it was very difficult to become an astronaut. I said that I knew. You had to become an officer… — Mark Haddon Copy Share Image
“That’s crazy,” Gabriel said. “We must be seventy million years in the past.” “Nearly a hundred and twenty-five million,” Ohin said. “It… — G.L. Breedon Copy Share Image
“I would never have broken up with you," I said earnestly. "I'm more miserable without you than I am with you." As… — Sean Kennedy Copy Share Image
I think there are a lot of things out there that are humorous that people don't realize until you actually show them… — Tim Conway Copy Share Image
“...the concept of marketing is almost as old as humanity itself...suffice it to say here that it took almost no time for… — BikeSnobNYC Copy Share Image
Every single bit of entertainment is escapism. It's because you are saying, "Let's see what this other person's life is like." And… — Bruce Campbell Copy Share Image
We all operate in two contrasting modes, which might be called open and closed. The open mode is more relaxed, more receptive,… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
“Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
