Depressing Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.”

Mitch Hedberg

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.6 out of 5 (10 ratings)

More by Mitch Hedberg

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Mitch Hedberg

Image

What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street...…

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.

Mitch Hedberg

Image

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."

Mitch Hedberg

Image

Explore all 405 Mitch Hedberg quotes

More Depressing quotes

We don't make glamorous movies today. Everything now is very realistic, artistic - and depressing. When is the last time you you saw a wonderful musical or a fabulous fantasy?

Edith Head

It is true that from a behavioral economics perspective we are fallible, easily confused, not that smart, and often irrational. We are more like…

Dan Ariely

Image

Of all the bewildering things about a new country, the absence of human landmarks is one of the most depressing and disheartening.

Willa Cather

Image

I think it is kind of depressing how few female filmmakers there are. I think it is in general depressing how few women there…

Susanne Bier

Image

It's so Canada. On some level, you laugh, but on another level, it's just depressing. We pride ourselves: We're not like the bad old U.S. where they had segregation, whites-only washrooms and hotels. We think we were the capital of the Underground Railroad, we were the place to where the slaves escaped, we were a much better country. But in…

Constance Backhouse

It is, of course, a luxury to create art and, on top of this, to insist on expressing one's own artistic opinion. Nothing is…

Max Beckmann

Image

“They went through the last of the cars and then walked up the track to the locomotive and climbed up to the catwalk. Rust and scaling paint. They pushed into the cab and he blew away the ash from the engineer's seat and put the boy at the controls. The controls were very simple. Little to do but push the…

Cormac McCarthy

I read the most extravagant things about people who suffer and depress because of things written about them.

Mick Jagger

Image

Take the story of Cain and Abel. Why were we given that story? Scientifically, you may have an explanation for it, but I'm not…

Elie Wiesel

Image

Despite my extremely modest prices, dealers and art lovers are turning their backs on me. It is very depressing to see the lack of…

Claude Monet

Image

I've seen few things more depressing than the end-of-season Giants-Padres series in 2001 in which Barry Bonds hit his 68th homer of the year while a .227-hitting, rapidly fossilizing Rickey Henderson staggered like a delirious marathoner toward 3,000 hits.

Stephen Rodrick