"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes.……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait"."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Dude Quotes
This quote is filed under Dude Quotes,
one of 514 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Not a lot of individuals get to refer to the Lord in their prayers as 'Dude', but he's doing a…
— Stephen Baldwin
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I always feel like there is some dude out there with money that I could fall back on if I…
— Kirstie Alley
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I struggle to be rugged and raw dude, trying to survive in the trials and lawsuits, Everybody wants to test…
— Tupac Shakur
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That's the kinda dude I was lookin fo & yes you'll get slapped if you lookin hoe
— Nicki Minaj
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Be cool to the pizza dude.
— Unknown Author
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Take shots at em, I guess you could call it a parody. But compared to D, they one-fourth from watermelon…
— Drake
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On playing Batman and his daughter: If I was doing the sequel to Frozen I would be a hero. My…
— Ben Affleck
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
— Mitch Hedberg
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The other night I was walking down the stairs behind one of my daughters. I was tired, and she was…
— Forest Whitaker
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Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?
— James Roday
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Can I get a fork?; There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there ARE no utensils AT Medieval Times-…
— Matthew Broderick
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There ain't no problem that some other dude didn't have 1,000 years ago.
— Will Smith
See all 514 Dude Quotes »