"A lollipop is a cross between hard candy…" — Mitch Hedberg
"A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Candy Quotes
This quote is filed under Candy Quotes,
one of 439 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally…
— Scott Adams
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Working with Candy Bergen was really wonderful.
— Jacqueline Bisset
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All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
— Lewis Black
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The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy…
— Lewis Black
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I feel like a little kid who just walked into a candy store. I think that's something to smile about.
— Brandon Boyd
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
— George Carlin
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We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we…
— Winston Churchill
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New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house.…
— Bill Maher
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1,2,3, I'm at the Chelsey Hotel, like, Sid and Nancy, with knife, and two grams of candy
— Yelawolf
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Power is what they want, not candy-power to execute their design, power to give legs and feet, form and actuality…
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"On unanticipated problems: There's been "a dramatic increase in edibles." And "no one had ever worried about dosage sizes. The…
— John Hickenlooper
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On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the…
— Dave Barry
See all 439 Candy Quotes »