Christmas Quote by Milton Berle

“It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.”

Milton Berle

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Christmas Christmas gift Christmas Gifts Consoling Garage Garage sale Knows Today Tomorrow

More by Milton Berle

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,…

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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

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Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

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My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

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When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was…

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I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd…

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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once…

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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

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If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor…

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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

Milton Berle

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Explore all 135 Milton Berle quotes

More Christmas quotes

The notion of a non-religious Christmas is ridiculous. But so is the insistence on the part of Christians that politicians and retailers carry out their pro-Christmas crusade.

Rachel Campos-Duffy

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

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May you have the spirit of Christmas which is Peace, the gladness of Christmas which is Hope, and the Heart of Christmas which is…

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To my future children; you will know the true meaning of Christmas just not you get gifts.

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No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a…

Al Smith

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

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There seems a magic in the very name of Christmas.

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Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus.

Annie Dillard

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“I stopped keeping an eye out for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve because, when I was five, my mother told me that Santa was a wicked pervert who would cut off my peepee with a pair of scissors...if I didn't stop chattering about him, he would be certain to put me on his list and look me up. Christmas was…

Dean Koontz