"I want a man as nice as my……" — Laurie Notaro
"I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor."
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Laurie Notaro
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14 Quotes by Laurie Notaro
Laurie Notaro has 14 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally, and if something blocks your route, find…
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Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.
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I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.
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Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone…
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Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.
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Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley.…
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I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last…
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My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so…
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You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is…
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I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.
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I majored in journalism at Arizona State University, where I began writing the columns I write now, but I cannot,…
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I've never really considered doing stand up, but I have done readings/spoken word things fairly often in which I'll just…
See all 14 quotes by Laurie Notaro »
More Crap Quotes
This quote is filed under Crap Quotes,
one of 566 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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There are a lot of bands who claim to be punk and they only play the music, they have no…
— Billie Joe Armstrong
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A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom…
— Roseanne Barr
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I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap.…
— Lewis Black
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I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I…
— Lewis Black
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Climate change is crap.
— Tony Abbott
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I'm not a flag waver for obesity. It's not healthy, and you have a crap life because there is such…
— Jo Brand
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I can always write. Sometimes, to be sure, what I write is crap, but it's words on the page and…
— Geraldine Brooks
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Ninety percent of all music is always crap, and when too many people decide they're going to have guitar bands,…
— David Byrne
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Performers are so vulnerable. They're frightened of humiliation, sure their work will be crap. I try to make an environment…
— Jane Campion
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As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
— Dick Cavett
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Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to…
— Brian Clough
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Out of all the guitars in the whole world, the Fender Mustang is my favorite. They're cheap and totally inefficient,…
— Kurt Cobain
See all 566 Crap Quotes »