Ass Quote by Doug Benson

I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard…

— Doug Benson

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

— Doug Benson

The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.

— Doug Benson

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

— Doug Benson

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

— Doug Benson

Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for…

— Doug Benson

A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me,…

— Doug Benson

I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a…

— Doug Benson

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

— Doug Benson

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

— Doug Benson

People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. And it's always like, you know,…

— Doug Benson

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

— Doug Benson