I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. And it's always like,… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I hate how all the hip hop bands of today will put crazy sound effects into their songs. You know what I… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I enjoy Modern Family very much. Good TV program. I don't know why. I just find that so many of the jokes… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
It's fun playing the judge, because I grew up on all the courtroom stuff in movies and TV. So, you know all… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I saw a dog in a cage. And that cage had a sign on it that said, 'I bite.' And I was… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I was immediately into all the great movie comedians - Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder. Everything those guys had… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me,… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. And it's always like, you know,… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
