Food Quote by Deborah Tannen
““Always taking an adversative stance can result in avoiding situations one might really enjoy. And always accommodating can result in accepting situations one would really rather avoid. One man described to me what he and his former wife called the I-like-chicken-backs phenomenon. When his family ate a chicken for dinner, someone had to eat the back, and in his family it was always his wife, who assured the others, 'I like chicken backs.' But, as this man commented to me, nobody really likes chicken backs. She had convinced herself that she liked chicken backs—and broken egg yolks and burned toast—to be accommodating. But years of accommodating built up to mounting frustration that they both believed had contributed to their eventual divorce.””
About This Quote
Source Book: The Power of Talk: How Women and Men Use Language, 2002
Balancing assertiveness and accommodation is crucial; extremes lead to resentment or missed enjoyment.
In simple terms: Too much accommodation can cause frustration; too much assertiveness can miss joy.
Key Takeaway
Seek a middle ground in interactions.
Themes
communication
relationships
balance
Mood
reflective
cautious
Type
advice
psychological
When to use this quote
- marriage
- teamwork
- friendships
- negotiations
Key Concepts
social dynamics
conflict avoidance
Questions to Reflect On
- When have you compromised too much?
- What joys have you missed by being overly accommodating?
A Different Perspective
Always accommodating may suppress personal needs and cause long‑term dissatisfaction.
![“[S]ometimes, when you are a food person, the possible irrelevance of what you are doing doesn’t cross your mind until it’s too late. (Once, for example, when I was just starting out in the food business, I was hired by the caper people to develop a lot of recipes using capers, and it was weeks of…” quote by Nora Ephron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/d79/nora-ephron-1217_business_s-ometimes-when-you-are-a-food-person-th_980.jpg)
