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Witty Quotes by George Burns
- When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
- If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
- Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
- I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
- I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
- I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.
More Witty Quotes
- Under every stone lurks a politician. — Aristophanes
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. — Aristotle
- Democracy arises out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all respects; because men are… — Aristotle
- If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me. — Wystan Hugh Auden
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- Give me chastity and continence, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty. — Jane Austen
- Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. — Richard Bach
- If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. — Tallulah Bankhead