Toilet Quotes

407 quotes by 324 authors

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful. — Sandra Bullock
And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses.… — Octavia Butler
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. — George Carlin
When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed. — Jennifer Aniston
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To… — Erma Bombeck
When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to… — Louis C. K.
Right now I'm scoring goals and I'm the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe… — Alexander Ovechkin
I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler. — David Feherty
People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people… — Louis C. K.
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day… — Louis C. K.
Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. — Shaquille O'Neal
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce… — P.J. O'Rourke
A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. — Joseph Epstein
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like:… — Wendy Liebman
I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate… — Rose George
The humble latrine, or flush toilet, reduces disease by twice as much as just putting in clean water. — Rose George
Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free. — Taylor Mead
When a woman comes to her class, she does not employ her time in making herself look more advantageously what she really is, but endeavours… — Joseph Addison
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth… — Joey Bishop
You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix… — Pamela Anderson

Who Wrote These Toilet Quotes

324 authors contributed a total of 407 Toilet Quotes, led by these top contributors: