Toilet Quotes
407 quotes by 324 authors
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Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.
— Sandra Bullock
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And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses.…
— Octavia Butler
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
— George Carlin
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When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.
— Jennifer Aniston
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Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To…
— Erma Bombeck
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When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to…
— Louis C. K.
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Right now I'm scoring goals and I'm the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe…
— Alexander Ovechkin
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I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.
— David Feherty
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People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people…
— Louis C. K.
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When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day…
— Louis C. K.
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Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective.
— Shaquille O'Neal
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Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce…
— P.J. O'Rourke
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A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.
— Joseph Epstein
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I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like:…
— Wendy Liebman
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I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate…
— Rose George
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The humble latrine, or flush toilet, reduces disease by twice as much as just putting in clean water.
— Rose George
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Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.
— Taylor Mead
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When a woman comes to her class, she does not employ her time in making herself look more advantageously what she really is, but endeavours…
— Joseph Addison
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Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth…
— Joey Bishop
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You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix…
— Pamela Anderson
Who Wrote These Toilet Quotes
324 authors contributed a total of 407 Toilet Quotes, led by these top contributors: