Best Toilet Quotes

407 Toilet quotes by 303 unique authors

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in… — John Oliver
The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely. — Seth Green
Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box,… — Jim Gaffigan
What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and… — Jim Gaffigan
How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of… — Jim Gaffigan
Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development. — Barry Humphries
I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me?… — Joan Rivers
Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean.… — Terrence Howard
When you consider all the writers who never even had a machine. Who would have given an eyeball for a good typewriter. Any typewriter. All… — Sam Shepard
Remember, if you write anything nasty about me, I'll come around and blow up your toilet. — Courtney Love
I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want… — Sheryl Crow
I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. — Sheryl Crow
There are little things that get on my nerves, like people who have reading material in their powder room. When you go in someone’s house,… — John Waters
Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go… — Howard Stern
Im shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I wont sit on a toilet seat on a plane. Im… — Farrah Fawcett
The word crap is actually another word that's very, very old. It was taken over from 17th century England by the pilgrim fathers and Americans… — Unknown Author
Time kept on and on like the cheapest toilet paper. — Porochista Khakpour
I'd rather clean my toilet than go to a show-business party. — Shania Twain
I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I… — Woody Allen
You spend your whole life trying to get known and then you spend the rest of it hiding in the toilet. — Bob Fosse
I wrote about Freud and the process of sublimation, which is when you learn to stop breast-feeding, or stop going to the toilet whenever you… — Bat for Lashes
The wide screen reminds me of a roll of toilet paper. — Yasujiro Ozu
If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under. — Al Yankovic
Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show. — Eric Carr
What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell… — Steve Buscemi

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