Best Toilet Sayings

407 Toilet quotes by 303 unique authors

Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are… — Alex Shoumatoff
"Our first conversation was on the phone. I was in the bathtub, and I had to tell him that I was in the bathtub because… — Jennifer Lawrence
Sexy, no alcoholic, but she drink like a toilet. Told her do me a favor and put your mouth on this faucet. — Young Jeezy
People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your… — Jerry Seinfeld
You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some… — Don Van Vliet
Leaders win through logistics. Vision, sure. Strategy, yes. But when you go to war, you need to have both toilet paper and bullets at the… — Tom Peters
Lasorda's standard reply when some new kid would ask directions to the whirlpool was to tell him to stick his foot in the toilet and… — Steve Garvey
There comes a time in every man's life when he wakes up drunk on the toilet and begins to doubt the choices he has made.… — Paul Neilan
Eating, bathing, going to the toilet, talking, thinking, and many other activities related to the body are all work. How is it that the performance… — Ramana Maharshi
Can you imagine a guy breaking into your car, and he steals your guitar case 'cause he thinks it's a guitar, and he gets it… — Eugene Chadbourne
How can you put out a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? No dramatic art… — Rod Serling
You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care. — Carolyn Heilbrun
Freshly brainwashed from rehab, I carry the bottle into the bathroom. I hold it up to the light. See the pretty bottle? Isn't it beautiful?… — Augusten Burroughs
I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. — John Swartzwelder
Don't get me started on cold toilet seats. — Zach Braff
You're asking the government to control individual morality. This is a government that can't buy a toilet seat for under $600. — Peter McWilliams
The Merchant, to Secure His Treasure The merchant, to secure his treasure, Conveys it in a borrowed name: Euphelia serves to grace my measure, But… — Edgar Allan Poe
I don't think you can get away with putting your talents in a toilet bowl and not having them flushed away. Forever. There is a… — Sean Penn
The main part of the house is a deep red and I have butterscotch carpet. And I have a bathroom with leopard skin floor, wallpaper… — Macy Gray
Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much… — Alicia Silverstone
It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline. — George Lindsey
European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches. — Dave Barry
My aunt in Knoxville would bring newspapers up, which we used for toilet paper. Before we used it, we'd look at the pictures. — Dolly Parton
Stay humble as a writer: write on toilet paper. — Jonas Eriksson
A couple must agree on the following topics: 1) Do they want kids? 2) Do they want a dog? 3) Do they want sex? 4)… — E. Jean Carroll

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303 authors contributed a total of 407 Toilet Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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