Best Toilet Quotations

407 Toilet quotes by 303 unique authors

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. — Peter Kay
It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large… — Dave Barry
It's expensive to keep communism alive today. I've already got a huge foreign debt staring me in the face, and I can't reduce it by… — Nicolae Ceausescu
I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I… — Jonny Wilkinson
It's a topsy-turvy world in which a country can import the same amount of ice-cream, toilet paper and other goods to trading partners as it… — Andrew Simms
THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL PROPERTIES with basketball courts, bathroom facilities, toilet facilities. Many young people would love to get the hell out of cities — Carl Paladino
I just saw an ad the other day that I couldn't believe. There was this woman-and I think it's degrading to womankind-she was going out… — Leo Buscaglia
The way we live our daily lives is what most effects the situation of the world. If we can change our daily lives, then we… — Nhat Hanh
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which… — Mark Twain
New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. — Thomas Jefferson
Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper — Daphne Zuniga
Neil Shepard's (T)RAVEL/ UN(T)RAVEL takes us from the sublime -- Paris in Spring, sunset on Corfu -- to an unscheduled toilet stop in a Chinese… — Charles Harper Webb
When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't… — Robin Williams
From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour. — Ade Edmondson
Don’t get married in a house where there is no toilet, — Jairam Ramesh
The world is divided up into two kinds of people - those who look at their body waste in the toilet bowl, and those who… — John Gregory Dunne
How can you put on a meaningful drama when, every fifteen minutes, proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? — Rod Serling
I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper. — Jerry Lawler
Did you ever notice that America is shaped like one big, giant toilet bowl? — Bret Hart
Not to go to the theater is like making one's toilet without a mirror. — Arthur Schopenhauer
I am preparing myself for death. When I go to sleep, I try to keep myself smiling. So that when I die, I have a… — Zohra Sehgal
Clearly, some time ago makers and consumers of American junk food passed jointly through some kind of sensibility barrier in the endless quest for new… — Bill Bryson
To wash one's hair, make one's toilet, and put on scented robes; even if not a soul sees one, these preparations still produce an inner… — Sei Shonagon
With what hope can we endeavor to persuade the ladies that the time spent at the toilet is lost in vanity. — Samuel Johnson
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the… — Paula Poundstone

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