Best Toilet Lines

407 Toilet quotes by 303 unique authors

It wasn't that I couldn't write. I wrote every day. I actually worked really hard at writing. At my desk by 7 A.M., would work… — Junot Diaz
Eric Schmidt looks innocent enough, with his watercolor blue eyes and his tiny office full of toys and his Google campus stocked with volleyball courts… — Maureen Dowd
In my own work, I'd say I'm a classicist, but I look everywhere for my solutions. I don't study the toilet-living habits of my clients,… — Philip Johnson
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. — Jay Leno
You know, I've been to some superstars' houses, and I've been really disgusted when I see their platinum discs hanging in the toilet. They're just… — John Lydon
There are some ghost stories in Japan where - when you are sitting in the bathroom in the traditional style of the Japanese toilet -… — Shigeru Miyamoto
I really can't be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that's nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits… — Alan Moore
Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet. — Lewis Mumford
Acting is invigorating. But I don't analyse it too much. It's like a dog smelling where it's going to do its toilet in the morning. — Liam Neeson
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. — Richard M. Nixon
Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet. — Chuck Palahniuk
In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet,… — Rick Perry
Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I… — Jodi Picoult
Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee… — Iggy Pop
NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have… — Rachael Ray
I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write… — Don Rickles
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and… — Rita Rudner
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits… — Rod Serling
In the period where I had to live the life of a citizen - a life where, like everybody else, I did tons of laundry… — Patti Smith
It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet. — Uma Thurman
France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper. — Billy Wilder
After the bare requisites to living and reproducing, man wants most to leave some record of himself, a proof, perhaps, that he has really existed.… — John Steinbeck
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl. — Bill Cosby
Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet. — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
Baby," groaned the guy-Ted? Tad?-something like that-and crushed his lips against the side of her neck, shoving her face against the wall of the toilet… — Jennifer Weiner

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303 authors contributed a total of 407 Toilet Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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