Best Toilet Wisdom

407 Toilet quotes by 303 unique authors

I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would… — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
Montague's just been found in a toilet, Sir. — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
If we all had what we wanted to eat... We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry. — Jim Thompson
She cleans a toilet inside and out under a minute. More like terrifying — Becca Fitzpatrick
It was a weird sensation. Like getting caught eavesdropping, or lying, or sitting on the toilet and having the bathroom walls suddenly drop away. — Janet Evanovich
Don't be upset. Don't listen to me. I only meant that I am jealous of a dark, unconscious element, something irrational, unfathomable. I am jealous… — Boris Pasternak
The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the… — Orson Scott Card
Go ahead. You're not going to walk in on anyone. I'm home alone." "The whole night?" Immediately, I realized it might not have been the… — Becca Fitzpatrick
If a life goes down the toilet, it comes out in a river and meets the sea. — Carol Plum-Ucci
The most work he did on [the urinals] was to run a brush once or twice apiece, singing some song as loud as he could… — Ken Kesey
Angela had done a marvelous job, I tell you. The puke was everywhere except the toilet. The walls, the floor, the sinks - even on… — Nicholas Sparks
This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why… — Christopher Moore
Dead girl walking” the boys say in the halls. “Tell us your secrets” the girls whisper, one toilet to another. "I am that girl. I… — Laurie Halse Anderson
There were other stories and other names. Second Base Stace, who had breasts in fourth grade and let some of the boys feel them. Vincent,… — Stephen Chbosky
We're living in a funny world kid, a peculiar civilization. The police are playing crooks in it, and the crooks are doing police duty. The… — Jim Thompson
The burden of keeping three people in toilet paper seemed to me rather a heavy one. — Barbara Pym
Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls. We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat. George! Only joking, Mum. — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a… — Richard Kadrey
I wasn't paying attention," said Myrtle dramatically. "Peeves upset me so much I came in here and tried to kill myself. Then, of course, I… — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet. — Deb Caletti
Trust me-that toilet and me were best friends for the first few days I was here. — Alexander Gordon Smith
But don’t ever let yourself forget that the person you care about fills an emptiness no one else ever has and that while life with… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
How are we doing, Simon?" she whispered into the small microphone in her collar. "Just about..." Simon started slowly. And then he stopped. "Wow." "What?"… — Ally Carter
... he trotted down the hallway on all fours and started in on his second favorite pastime, conversations with plumbing. Just what I needed: Stone,… — Devon Monk
Snap judgments? I'd gotten over those about the time I was toilet trained. Swore off diapers and faith in the human experience all in one… — Rob Thurman

Who Wrote These Toilet Quotes

303 authors contributed a total of 407 Toilet Quotes, led by these top contributors:

Best Toilet Wisdom

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