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Today Quotes by David Letterman
- Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he?…
- Honey, what happened to "ladies first"? Husband replies, "That's the reason why the worlds a mess today, because a lady went first!"
- Hey, guess who's gay? The Green Lantern from the comic books. Today Mitt Romney knocked him down and shaved his head.
- Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was a suicide.
- Happy Birthday to Fay Wray, a wonderful actress. She was, of course, in the movie 'King Kong' and would have been 99-years-old today. She was…
- It was so cold in New York City today that the Statue of Liberty had her torch under her dress.
- Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of cabinet…
- I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again,'
- Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.
- USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
- Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1)…
- The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today…
- Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on…
More Today Quotes
- Boxing gave me the opportunities to grow into the person that I am today. — Alexis Arguello
- As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people of Haiti,… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Today we often think that before we start living a religious life we have first to accept the creedal doctrines and that… — Karen Armstrong
- I want justice to be so pervasive that it will be taken for granted, just as injustice is taken for granted today. — Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
- Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today - but the core… — Isaac Asimov
- To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. — Isaac Asimov
- Today, the Iraqi citizen sees that America is coming and wants to occupy his country and kill him, and he is willing… — Bashar al-Assad
- The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. — Fred Astaire
- The people you see in Nigeria today have always lived as neighbors in the same space for as long as we can… — Chinua Achebe
- Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that… — Kevyn Aucoin