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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot…

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Joan Rivers has 250 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe.'
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's…
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was…
You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life.…
My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

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