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From Quotes by David Letterman
- I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So…
- Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group.
- I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect…
- I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away…
- Hey, guess who's gay? The Green Lantern from the comic books. Today Mitt Romney knocked him down and shaved his head.
- But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe…
- Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of cabinet…
- A new survey indicates that Obama supporters love iPhones. So if you have an iPhone, chances are you are going to be supporting President Obama.…
- I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again,'
- This warning from the New York City Department of Health Fraud: Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.
- Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
- President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the…
- Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy…
More From Quotes
- Total loyalty is possible only when fidelity is emptied of all concrete content, from which changes of mind might naturally arise. — Hannah Arendt
- By its very nature the beautiful is isolated from everything else. From beauty no road leads to reality. — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- Man cannot be free if he does not know that he is subject to necessity, because his freedom is always won in… — Hannah Arendt
- Aside from a handful of guys boxing is missing the good trainers, that's why our sport is so in the air now… — Alexis Arguello
- From heresy, frenzy and jealousy, good Lord deliver me. — Ludovico Ariosto
- As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people of Haiti,… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Haiti, Haiti, the further I am from you, the less I breathe. Haiti, I love you, and I will love you always.… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- In 1994, when I went back to Haiti from exile, we established a Commission for Truth and Justice and Reconciliation. I passed… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Sometimes people who want to understand Haiti from a political perspective may be missing part of the picture. They also need to… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Men of sense often learn from their enemies. It is from their foes, not their friends, that cities learn the lesson of… — Aristophanes
- At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. — Aristotle