I don't go to comedy clubs unless I'm working. And when I do work, I come in, I do my time and… — Ralphie May Come Copy Share Image
Im still trying to decide if hes a punk-ass bitch, or a bitch-ass punk. — Ralphie May Nigga Copy Share Image
I think there's too much emphasis on making sure our corporations are OK versus making sure our people are OK. — Ralphie May Corporations Copy Share Image
I think we can do better with our politicians. I think I'd make a good one, because I like people. — Ralphie May Better Copy Share Image
If people get their feelings hurt from jokes, then they are too delicate to be in society. — Ralphie May Comedy Copy Share Image
In L.A., fat people are mythical. We're like Big Foot. 'Oh, yeah, my cousin knows someone who's fat.' Nobody's fat in L.A. — Ralphie May Big Copy Share Image
We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed. — Ralphie May Alike Copy Share Image
There's a big difference between being racist and racially insensitive. — Ralphie May Being Copy Share Image
I've been called a race traitor, prejudiced about white people. It's ridiculous... I have a really, really diverse crowd. Most comedy clubs… — Ralphie May Appeal Copy Share Image
The iPhone rules, but it does everything but get a call, you know? I can't tell you how many times my wife… — Ralphie May Cell phone Copy Share Image
I've been enjoying classes at the gym, where people look at me because I'm fat. At the end of the workout, they're… — Ralphie May End Copy Share Image
Atlanta is interesting. You have high education rates but there are plenty of regular folks. People have degrees but chop wood on… — Ralphie May Atlanta Copy Share Image
Vegas needs a really funny, dirty, late-night show, and I'll tell it like it is, I promise you that. And you gotta… — Ralphie May Dirty Copy Share Image
America thinks if you're fat, you're stupid. That's great. I want them to keep thinking that. Let them keep on thinking that… — Ralphie May Expectations Copy Share Image
When somebody's different, it's so easy to dismiss what people say because of what they look like. They really want to judge… — Ralphie May Book Copy Share Image
I'm an entertainer first. But I do as a stand up comedian, the way for me to evolve is to make a… — Ralphie May Comedian Copy Share Image
My wife is also a standup comic, so it's something for me that's awesome. She's a beautiful girl. I really married above… — Ralphie May Marriage Copy Share Image
I go out and I meet people after the show, I take every picture that they ask for, I sign every autograph… — Ralphie May Autograph Copy Share Image
I don't just live in a bubble in Los Angeles. I'm on the road all the time. I say hello to people… — Ralphie May Choices Copy Share Image
I loved Celebrity Fit Club. Celebrity Fit Club had a lot of heart especially if people go into it with a positive… — Ralphie May Positive attitude Copy Share Image
My average fan works for about $20 per hour, if they are lucky enough to have a job. And then factoring in… — Ralphie May Home Copy Share Image
I know I wanted to be a comic when I was nine. I was thirteen the first time I did it. I… — Ralphie May Church Copy Share Image
I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the audience. If… — Ralphie May Believe Copy Share Image
If you can take a dick in the ass, you can DAMN sure take a joke! — Ralphie May Dick Copy Share Image
