All P.J. O'Rourke Quotes
- Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be? Acutely
- Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and… Acting
- Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. American
- The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment… Actually Go
- There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human… Accept
- A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. Fool
- Violence is interesting. This is a great obstacle to world peace and also to more thoughtful television programming. Great
- Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on… Advantage
- Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. Alcohol
- Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. Alcohol
- Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the… Alcohol
- You can smoke or drink on a golf course without interrupting the game, and you can take a leak - something you can't do on… Course
- The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth - pickle-jar chin,… Age
- You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. All
- Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. Annoying
- Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce… Actual
- For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of… Aspirin
- It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities… America
- With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse… Accomplished
- Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money. Amount
- When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry. Days
- You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked at Congress can… Advertising
- The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to… American
- Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not entitlement. An entitlement… Anybody
- There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. Business