Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and…

— Mark Twain

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

— Mark Twain

“As near as I can make out, geniuses think they know it all, and so they won't take people's advice, but always…

— Mark Twain

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

— Mark Twain

“Then, having thus made the Creator responsible for all those pains and diseases and miseries above enumerated, and which he could have…

— Mark Twain

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle…

— Mark Twain

“When I got there it was all still and Sunday-like, and hot and sunshiny - the hands was gone to the fields;…

— Mark Twain

Start it at no particular time of your life; wander at your free will all over your life; talk only about the…

— Mark Twain

It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.

— Mark Twain

It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals.

— Mark Twain

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”

— Mark Twain

“So endeth this chronicle. It being strictly a history of a boy, it must stop here; the story could not go much…

— Mark Twain

“congress - that great, benevolent asylum for the helpless”

— Mark Twain

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

— Mark Twain

There is no humor in heaven.

— Mark Twain

The problem with education is school.

— Mark Twain

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry

— Mark Twain

Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of…

— Mark Twain

“Satan laughed his unkind laugh to a finish; then he said: "It is a remarkable progress. In five or six thousand years…

— Mark Twain

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

— Mark Twain

You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year.

— Mark Twain

In literature imitations do not imitate.

— Mark Twain

But the people cannot have wells, and so they take rain-water. Neither can they conveniently have cellars or graves, the town being…

— Mark Twain

Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable…

— Mark Twain

For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment

— Mark Twain