All Johnny Carson Quotes
- Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you… Along
- I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. Beer
- If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. Dinner
- I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. Barn
- Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. Christmas
- If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Alive
- Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. Catch
- Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do. Big
- Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important… Alone
- Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. Anyone
- Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Anytime
- For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. Calls
- My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day. Business
- If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. Big
- People will pay more to be entertained than educated. Educated
- The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. Freedom
- New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. All
- When turkeys mate they think of swans. Drinking
- He's so fat, he can be his own running mate. Fat
- A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island. Cranberries