All John Oliver Quotes
- I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in… America
- Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word. C Word
- Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can't even… Ago
- Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to. Any
- Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents. Audience
- News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right. Car
- Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings… Action
- Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.' Demonstrably
- Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you… Baseball
- If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where delegates come from all over… All
- You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter, Going Well
- One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional. Accuses
- According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following… According
- Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,' Boredom
- You don't need people's opinion on a fact. Fact
- You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do… Asking
- British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death British
- Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people. Egg
- Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it's actually more like raisins into a cookie because no one [expletive] wants… Ads
- If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight. Bar
- Politics has become infused with narcissism in America. America
- I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression… Active
- When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. Been
- You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. Funny
- It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. Inspirational