All John Oliver Quotes
- The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying… All
- I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do… Accent
- Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive,… Anyone
- Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their… Albeit
- Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. Any
- I would hate to meet myself at 15. Funny
- There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. Any
- I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. Any
- Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. Addiction
- The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked. Accept
- When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. Entertain
- If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which… Absolutely
- Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest. Bad
- The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. British
- It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. Comedian
- Politicians don't really bring up religion in England. Bring
- There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. Constructive
- There is no greater anesthetic than sport. Anesthetic
- When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing. Absolutely
- There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to… Any
- You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally… Any
- People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the… Able
- The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I… Across
- You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on… Anymore
- I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. British