All John Oliver Quotes
- Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly… America
- People are friendlier in New York than London. Friendlier
- Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath. Anybody
- I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that… Allow
- Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends-\-\they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there. Bit
- The disconnect between America and its military is shocking. America
- A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. Accent
- Americans just don't understand dry wit. American
- Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. Armando
- Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. Attending
- Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. Fan
- Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. Ads
- Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you. Capacity
- Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels. British
- Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. Any
- I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. Find
- I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. Comedy
- I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! All
- I feel non-stop Brit shame! Brit
- I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. Ahead
- I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. Exactly
- I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. Faces
- I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. Absolutely
- I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. Ask
- I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American… America