“My teeth are filthy, so to impress my dentist I compensate by wearing too much cologne.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Its what you do in your free time that will set you freeor enslave you.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like a river, I’m going to meander through the party. Will you be my canoe? ” — Jarod Kintz River Copy Share Image
“To me, life is sad, like a piano with no pedals being played by a person with no fingers. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Orafoura told me my writing is all nonsense. “Nonsense,” I replied. “Glad you agree, “ he said.” — Jarod Kintz Nonsense Copy Share Image
“Love is like being featherless in mid flight and not even wondering if you taste like chicken. My love must taste like… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery.” — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
“You can have your cake, but you can’t eat it. You have to sit there and watch me scarf it down.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want a trophy that has atrophy—where the maquette on top isn’t sculpted metal, but rather a flaccid sack of jelly that… — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“In complete silence you can’t hear a thing. Just ask a deaf person—but ask them with your fingers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A trophy isn’t about the hardware, the gold-painted statue mounted on marble, it’s about the recognition of excellence. A trophy is a… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Every time the wind blows I think of her. I wonder if I could generate electricity off my yearning. Maybe a mind… — Jarod Kintz Lonely people Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I thought together we could change the world, but you said you’d rather change the TV… — Jarod Kintz Change the world Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“If my doctor told me I only had five minutes to live, I’d probably change all the clocks in my house, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all my clones working for me, working for free, and… — Jarod Kintz Identity Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you catch me talking in my sleep, your conversation bored me.” — Jarod Kintz Bored Copy Share Image
“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.” — Jarod Kintz Tiger Copy Share Image
“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People come and people go, but only a magical person can come and go at the same time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blowjob is the only employment I can get. At least in a bathroom stall.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m very proud of my body of work. You should see it naked sometime.” — Jarod Kintz Body work Copy Share Image
“I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?” — Jarod Kintz Dollars Copy Share Image
“I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I go on a drive, I like to listen to “Drive,” by The Cars.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to overcome my OCD by replacing my neurosis with three other letters.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it. ” — Jarod Kintz Salesman Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you about love on one condition: that you give it to me unconditionally.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
