“When we communicate, everybody wins. Especially the NSA.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around.” — Jarod Kintz Hermaphrodite Copy Share Image
“Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces.” — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“Don’t let your inability to see get in the way of your vision.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“If I had nostrils on my index fingers, I wonder what the inside of my nose would smell like?” — Jarod Kintz Nostrils Copy Share Image
“When you said you were ugly it was the most untrue thing you’ve ever said. Well, it’s true!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole… — Jarod Kintz Cowboy Copy Share Image
“Life is struggle. Poor people struggle to get money, and rich people struggle to keep their money.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I’ve felt alone, cold, and clothed in shame for too long. Let the sunlight be my blanket, wardrobe, and toilet paper.” — Jarod Kintz Shame Copy Share Image
“US highways are in such disrepair that instead of repaving, they should just mow the grass that’s sprung up and displaced the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Data doesn’t matter. Only opinions and stories formed from the data matters and gets shared and absorbed.” — Jarod Kintz Data Copy Share Image
“My reputation precedes me. It shows up about fifteen minutes before I do, eats, and then leaves without paying or tipping.” — Jarod Kintz Precedes Copy Share Image
“He flatters me because he knows I am flattered by him flattering me. And that flatters him. So when he flatters me,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A traditional doctor gets paid to push pills, vaccinate, radiate, and basically exterminate people. No different than a contract killer—except the hit… — Jarod Kintz Doctor Copy Share Image
“The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table was stainless steel sprayed down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were learning to compose music like Mozart, and I was learning to listen like Beethoven.… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“When I’m introduced to a woman for the first time, I always say the same thing. I say, “Hi, I’m Jarod, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money.… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“People don’t blush when they’re embarrassed. White people blush when they’re embarrassed. Why so embarrassed, white people? Any skeletons in your closet?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The conversation went like this: Me: Hello? You left your panties over here. Her: Hello? Me: Oh, hi, grandma! I thought you… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Helen Keller, and so are all my senses. Now that is complete nonsense!” — Jarod Kintz Nonsense Copy Share Image
“I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics. ” — Jarod Kintz Dirt Copy Share Image
“When I talk about love, people listen. And when I listen about love, people talk.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed on a conveyer belt. It will revolutionize the construction industry! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I should create a TV show called 61 Minutes. It’ll be like 60 Minutes—only more.” — Jarod Kintz Television Copy Share Image
“I’d rather be the fastest runner than the best fighter. But then I am a supreme coward.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like sandpaper, to smooth out a cat’s rough tongue. ” — Jarod Kintz Sandpaper Copy Share Image
