Eddie Izzard Quotes

99 quotes in 1198 categories

• If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to…
• The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
• I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, "We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years…
• You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the…
• Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look…
• If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!
• You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!
• The Death Star is just full of British actors opening doors and going,Oh... I... oh... What is it Lieutenant Sebastian? It's just the Rebels, sir...…
• You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.
• I'm working on a speed boat at the moment. Much more exciting. It'll really kick ass, give great photographs for the people in Bible.
• That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?
• Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
• Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!
• I want to be a taxidermist! I wanna fill animals with sand. I wanna get more sand into an animal than anybody has ever bloody…
• Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.
• Little red cookbook! Little red cookbook!
• I'd like to have sex with myself.
• But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana.
• When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people
• I've wiped the file? .... I've wiped all the files? .... I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem!

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