Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on… — Dov Davidoff Enough Copy Share Image
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness. — Dov Davidoff Adrenaline Copy Share Image
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road. — Dov Davidoff Drivers Copy Share Image
There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people… — Dov Davidoff Dirty Copy Share Image
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan. — Dov Davidoff America Copy Share Image
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not… — Dov Davidoff Awful Copy Share Image
I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably. — Dov Davidoff Aim Copy Share Image
Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you. — Dov Davidoff Ends Copy Share Image
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. — Dov Davidoff Girl Copy Share Image
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. — Dov Davidoff Checks Copy Share Image
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice… — Dov Davidoff Buttons Copy Share Image
Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away. — Dov Davidoff Awkwardness Copy Share Image
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my… — Dov Davidoff Economy Copy Share Image
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a… — Dov Davidoff Awareness Copy Share Image
Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant. — Dov Davidoff Ignorant Copy Share Image
I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to… — Dov Davidoff Family Copy Share Image
Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream. — Dov Davidoff Cream Copy Share Image
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness? — Dov Davidoff Adjectives Copy Share Image
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it. — Dov Davidoff Difficult Copy Share Image
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place. — Dov Davidoff Celibacy Copy Share Image
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer. — Dov Davidoff Brain Copy Share Image
Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around… — Dov Davidoff Animal Copy Share Image
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of… — Dov Davidoff Blood Copy Share Image
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's. — Dov Davidoff Band Copy Share Image
