All Doug Stanhope Quotes
- Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind… Alcohol
- I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"?… Axes
- I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus.… Buddy
- Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met Doe
- Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing. Appetizing
- Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at… All
- There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig. Dainty
- I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me. Best
- If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? Believe
- There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. Addiction
- Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name. Cnn
- If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child. Any
- Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD Bag
- That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet. Aids
- Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do. Avenue
- Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating. Babies
- You never hear in the news, 'Two hundred killed today when atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the agnostic stronghold in the north.' Agnostic
- There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing… Done Drugs
- AA makes Scientology look credible, Credible
- Tradition and heritage are all dead peoples baggage. Stop carrying it. Move forward. All
- A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party. Cop
- Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going… All
- Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone. Animal
- The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society. Institution
- Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny. Fun