Best Demetri Martin Words
- Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started… Definitely
- Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people… Fun
- The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny… Actor
- Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. Craft
- Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain… Boy
- I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot… Blueberries
- I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all… All
- To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others… Bar
- I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery. Another Mystery
- I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in… Legendary
- It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!”… Bad
- Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do… Always Enjoyed
- THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police… Artist
- REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band. Band
- Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that… Aristotle
- 100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math. Give
- Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice? Actually Means
- A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is. All
- There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it… Goes
- Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets. Inspirational
- Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along… Along
- Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it. Came
- It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something. Day
- As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress. Creative
- I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch line. Ideas
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