Best David Letterman Words
- Midnight, and the kitties are sleeping. Inspirational
- Them bats is smart. They use radar! Bats
- It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. Christmas
- He has been greatly missed since his retirement ... Thank God for videotapes and DVDs. In this regard, he will always be around. Been
- Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six… Another Family
- It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? Came
- There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer… Bird
- Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex. Gingrich
- The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and… Accidentally
- We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's… Apology
- Childhood. I wish I had something to complain about. Childhood
- It was so cold in New York City today that the Statue of Liberty had her torch under her dress. Cities
- Valentine's Day money-saving tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. In place of bubble bath, use lavender-scented dish-washing liquid. Forget… Back Together
- I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. Gentleman
- Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window. All
- They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat! Bloat
- Yesterday was Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit. And here's how dumb I am. I'm still writing the Year of the Pig… Checks
- New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The… Candidate
- The White House has now put together a website for kids. It's a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website… Budget
- The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives. Alcohol
- Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one. Bush
- Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death. Beatin
- Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th… Akin
- I pulled a hamstring during the New York City Marathon. An hour into the race, I jumped off the couch... Cities
- Let me just say this: You know your campaign is not going well when you open a press conference by saying, 'I told you there… Campaign
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- Best David Letterman Proverbs (David Letterman Quotes)