All Bill Bailey Quotes
- Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it. Add
- Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit Animal
- I got ham but I'm not a Hamster Ham
- I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Buy
- Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it Beat
- I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know,… All
- I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig. Concrete
- What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes… Beard
- Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong. Contentment
- Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail… Bail
- Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. All
- Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!! Blokes
- It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still Animal
- I'm a post-modern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically. Eat
- I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment ! Sometimes… Buy
- Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability. Bit
- Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard Armadillo
- The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. Alive
- American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it. American
- It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. Cases