40% of homicides go unsolved. You know, it's not a very good record. And, also, 95% of convictions in America come from… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The worst years of my life were the first two years I was doing standup. You're learning how to do, and you're… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Last week John McCain said the fundamentals of our economy are strong. This week, he said it's the worst crisis since World… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
