If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under. — Al Yankovic Copy Share Image
People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I can play the main stage at the Newport Folk Festival in front of 10,000 people and do all the gigs and… — Passenger Copy Share Image
“But it has perks -- personal pride, financial security, and the feeling of accomplishment and control that comes when you just swap… — Kelly Williams Brown Copy Share Image
If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
When you consider all the writers who never even had a machine. Who would have given an eyeball for a good typewriter.… — Sam Shepard Copy Share Image
“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If you look at the end of a roll of toilet paper, like the brown paper tube, I basically worked in a… — Demetrious Johnson Copy Share Image
Former police chief of Houston once said of me: “Frank Abagnale could write a check on toilet paper, drawn on the Confederate… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you just put a new toilet paper then it jumps right in the toilet bowl.. — Joanne Lobedica Copy Share Image
“All of a sudden, life became too much to bear. Just like that, for no particular reason. Because there was a child’s… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Most people die, living their life paycheck to paycheck,trying to stretch out each dollar, as like a roll of toilet paper. Toiling… — Anthony Liccione Copy Share Image
In our skulls, we carry around 3 pounds of slimy, wet, greyish tissue, corrugated like crumpled toilet paper. You wouldn't think, to… — Eliezer Yudkowsky Copy Share Image
“But the misogynist can get very mad over virtually nothing. He explodes over the most insignificant events. He exaggerates, he maximizes—he makes… — Susan Forward Copy Share Image
Not knowing you is like having no toilet paper when you have dierrhea. you just cant do it — Tamika-leeigh Copy Share Image
“You haven’t lived until you’ve wiped your ass with a pile of sand. Toilet paper doesn’t measure eternity the way the sands… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed. — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
“We waited and waited. All of us. Didn't the shrink know that waiting was one of the things that drove people crazy?… — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
My mother always told me, 'I didn't make a perfume or go sell toilet paper. I did something good with my name.' — Sean Hepburn Ferrer Copy Share Image
Before you go to the bathroom in someones house make sure they have toilet paper....i now know — Cici Says Copy Share Image
I just want to be rich enough to where I can wipe my ass with toilet paper. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
