I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Well, I think “likability” is an overused word. I don’t watch people 'cause I like them; I watch them because they’re compelling.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, "Don't go to Harlem. You can never go… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I am really tired of looking at my hips. I'm seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
