It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think when I started doing stand-up, that's when I really tried to question everything in my belief system which is -… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Ireland is a place that's beautiful and interesting, but I remember when I went there as a teenager with my parents, I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I left the Midwest thinking I didn't fit in. But when I got to New York, I realized how truly Midwestern I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think what Pope Francis is saying is that nobody's perfect, you know? And so someone like Joe Biden, you know, where… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
