Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
One of the problems I see with these comics on television, particularly cable television, is, since you can say anything in terms of sex and scatological references and so on, therefore, you should do it. So they all limit themselves… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Plagiarize, plagiarize, / Let no man's work evade your eyes, / Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, / Don't shade your eyes,… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
“I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky. In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: Plagiarize!… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
