Sarcastic Quotes · Page 24

You know, you have to be an optimist, a pessimist, sarcastic and pleasant all at the same time to be a photographer.

— Rondal Partridge

People always tell me that everything I say sounds sarcastic, even when I'm trying to have a serious conversation.

— Richard Bacon

I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I'm going to post a status update about it & then use…

— Hussein Nishah

I'm a few minutes late to class? Please, stare at me like I just killed five people.

— Anonymous

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

— John Ehrlichman

My gurlfriend said; If you loved me you wouldn't drink so much, I said; If I didn't drink so much I probably…

— Hemant Smarty

She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.

— Raymond Chandler

I remember there was this thing I used to do at night. I think it was called "sleep."

— Anonymous

My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.

— Anonymous

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

— George Carlin

“No, and I don't like mornin' people... or mornin's... or people." "Wow, I'm a lucky guy to have you, baby." Sarcastic pig!”

— L.A. Casey

I've noticed the people most uptight about smokers and drinkers don't really have a problem with gluttony and gossip.

— Tim Hawkins

“I would think you’d be grateful, puppy. Kill some rabids, burn down a church—I don’t see a downside here, do you?”

— Julie Kagawa

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

— Oscar Wilde

Feisty,stubborn,sarcastic,humorous,very very blunt... Are these my good points or bad??? Who knows? Who cares? I am still gonna be me!

— Dora Providence

His face is livid, gaunt his whole body, his breath is green with gall; his tongue drips poison.

— John Quincy Adams

If you're the only one who knows you're being sarcastic, it's not sarcasm, it's masturbation.

— Anonymous

Do not be conformed to the answer you just being sarcastic. But nothing I can do because thereby you think of me…

— Meicee29

Fighting online is so stupid. I mean...What are you gonna do? Busta CAPS LOCK on my ass?

— Stephanie

Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.

— Lee Westwood

Another day at work...I'm having as much fun as a colorblind person playing twister.

— Anonymous

Do game creators really think the kids read the DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME warning ?

— Zay Cee

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

— George Ade

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

— David Letterman

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

— John Cleese

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

— Sigmund Freud

I wish I had Kim Kardashians talent of not having any talent and making money out of it.

— Anonymous

Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally.

— Megan Fox

Say That Again, Bitch, And I'll Make Sure Your Next Period Comes Out Your Mouth

— Toni Watson

Sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.

— Anonymous

Anyone can do well when things go smoothly. It's when the sh*t hits the fan that you see what people are made…

— Sarah Moores

I wasn't aware that answering my mom's question was considered talking back.

— Anonymous

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

— Anonymous

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

— Kim Harrison

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.

— Mark Twain

When someone is being sarcastic to you then you should reply in full of sarcasm. period.

— Anonymous

Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side

— Thomas Sowell

I dont really forgive people I just pretend like it's ok and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.

— Jewelizeemint Deelouviou

Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.

— Charles Kettering

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.

— Gene Fowler