If God had wanted us to spend all our time fretting about the problems of home ownership, He would never have created… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The problem was that Panama technically belonged to Colombia, which refused to sign a treaty leasing it to the United States. So… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to "get involved" in a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
